Breaking Ties
by sindijow
Summary: [Post chapter 50] Guilt ridden and desperate, Eren infiltrates the ranks of the fourth, dangerous and yet forgettable division. He just needs a leave, and a chance to understand the features of the monster he's become. So he rips his ties with his comrades, namely Mikasa, who now alone, seeks comfort between kicks and punches with a certain unpleasant corporal. ErenXMikasaXLevi
1. Guilt

**[Spoiler Alert for Chapters 50, 51 and possibly 52] ****This is my first long SNK fic and it'd probably mean nothing once chapter 51 is up (which should be in a couple more days yaaaaay) This could be a one-shot or a series depending on how you guys like it, but yeah.. well I'm writing a chapter 2 for my pleasure anyway.**

* * *

In the midst of the chaos that followed the battle, Eren had barely had the time to register the appalling amount of deaths among their troops. He had barely had the time to pay attention to anything really. The rhythmic wobbling of his ride atop his horse had been the only feeling he caught on to. His senses, otherwise, were numb, and he had yet to decipher the turmoil of emotion that caged his consciousness.

He felt nothing and everything at once. Grief and anger battled their ways to take over what was left of his sanity. Did it matter, really? Did his feelings ever matter? After all it had been guilt that won dominance. Guilt, self-blame, wrenched at his heart strings.

He hurts, he remembers, and he hurts all over. He recalls Hannes' limp form, spilling to the ground. He sees all the dead people who gave their lives to save his ass, he watches as blood sprouts out of his commander's amputated arm and of Jean's fractured skull, he hears Mikasa's soft whimpers against his back. She'd been crying. Who could blame her? In the face of loss and death, even the ever poised and stoic Mikasa Ackerman would crumble.

His vision finally swam into focus when they reached the wall. His dazed senses sharpening considerably as he guided his horse towards the soldiers crowding the street.

It was eight at night, their group left Trost with 68 troops at total, they returned with less than the quarter. Half of whom were injured, the other half dizzy and incapable of processing the course that took place during the ambush. Confusion reigned over relief, and though they knew they should be thankful, they couldn't understand why they were still alive and breathing.

They were caught in a very critical condition earlier that day, what with the armored bastard cornering them from a side, and the regular, equally dangerous, titans on the other.

All it took was a scream they all heard. And they watched intently as the Titans scrambled away from living, breathing, humans, and launched onto their fellow titans.

They were confused and physically battered, but they took their chance and ran. Deep in the minds of those soldiers, they recognized the culprit behind the Titans' sudden change of attitude.

Cadet Eren Jaeger.

That monstrous, ravenous, rogue Titan shifter.

That freak.

Eren knew that they knew. And with the weight of that knowledge in mind, he understood why none of his fellow team mates, Garrison recruits, Scouting legion squad leaders, why none of them intervened, when the MP officers handcuffed him and forcefully led him to one of the many cells lining the dungeons of The Garrison HQ in Trost.

Hours passed since his arrest, and he was still prohibited from leaving his prison. Eren rolled over the hard mattress, and lazily propped himself on his elbows. He peered through the metal bars and identified the figure standing before his cell. The guard had been there all night, seeing as they hadn't even bothered to chain Eren to the bed. _Like last time_, he thought.

"Hey, you." The Guard turned and scanned the dark cell for the now-conscious Titan shifter.

"Are they done yet? Can I go now?" The odd calmness of his own voice surprised him.

He knew he ought to be angry or even scared. Since his confinement, The MP launched into an investigation, and demanded a full explanation as to why the troops they'd sent were deceased. He knew that should the soldiers speak of his whereabouts, he'd be legitimately screwed. Eren couldn't bring himself to care though. He's been knee deep in shit for the past days, and all he wanted to do now, was to lay back down or pace to the infirmary where his friends were at.

Neither option was possible though. All he could do was sit down in weary silence, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

He heard the clanking of boots and a voice commanding the guard to leave. Eren leaned back against the cold wall and watched as the supreme commander Darius Zackly appeared.

He stood by the room and scrunched his nose at the filthy smell of the dungeons. Eren raised an eyebrow in amusement. Another clean freak? He watched as the man stood opposite watching him thoughtfully, and he braced himself for whatever this man's decision were to be.

"Cadet Eren Jaeger." Said boy rose and slowly made his was to face his elderly superior. He held his right fist close to his heart and his other placed firmly against his back. His salute felt forced, due to his rusty joints and the fact that he hadn't changed out of his ripped shirt from the battle yet.

"Cadet Eren Jaeger." Darius repeated "The investigations are over. You're free to go."

"Yes... Sir?" He studied the commander incredulously. There was no way they were going to let him off that easily, and he knew from the man's rigid posture that there was more to come.

"Do you know why I'm here Cadet Jaeger?" _You tell me_. Eren thought, and mentally slapped himself for his ill placed sarcasm.

"The monarchy sent you? Just like they sent those military officers in the ambush with the.. traitors"

"Smart boy." The man's face kept its usual bored expression. "But do you know why they sent me?"

Eren cleared his throat as the realization dawned on him. "You're here to hang me.. give the order to.. hang me. There won't be a trial this.. time around"

"No. I'm here to give you a choice." Eren kept his expression blank, trying to keep from shaking the guy. "A choice?" he questioned, and the answer was simple and curt.

"join the military police, or die"

"you understand" The man went on. "That your case is awfully suspicious. During all our questioning, the witnesses kept a low profile. Even those who originally belong to the MP refused to give a satisfying report." Darius shook his head. "It was obvious that they saw something out there that scared them shitless."

Eren winced at his commanding officer's rude choice of words. But then again, he was a monster, and Darius Zackly was not obliged in any way to address him formally. "At some point, one of them slipped. Said soldier mentioned mind control over the Titans and we had to re-read all the files from scratch, we stumbled upon clues.. and we, as simple minded as we are, managed to form a satisfying story to match those clues." He leaned closer to face the green eyed young man. "You are the one who_"

Controlled them." The boy cut him, scowling. "Commanded them. _I did that_."

"Finally came to." He thoughtfully observed. "We couldn't help but notice that That _fascinating_ power of yours, is what had drawn the titan shifters and compelled them to take you. The mere fact that you're waltzing out of the safety of the walls is rather... appalling."

"You want me to join the MP, so I could be safe behind the walls? Safe while my comrades die? What guarantees you that the other titan shifters won't follow me there." incredulity dripped with each word and the young man forced his tone down, lest he says something insulting to Commander Zackly.

Surprisingly, the older man proved to be equally incredulous. "With the 50 meter deep dungeons in wall Sina.. No I don't think they'll follow you there."

"You want me to sit in jail and do nothing?" He replied hotly "I'm a soldier and I should be out there killing those titans."

"Who said anything about staying put, and doing nothing?"

"I... what?" The boy was caught off guard, and he studied the man as he felt at his pockets fumbled for a split second, and produced a single report typed on the monarchy's official parchment leaflets. He heard the man read the contents with his firm apathetic voice.

"Should the Cadet agree as to join the Military police troops, He shall be entrusted to the Guarding squad, His majesty's own personal warriors, bound to ensure the monarchy's safety and welfare. He will be put under the harsh training the squad provides, and he will offer his power to include to humanity's knowledge of the Titans..." He carried on, and Eren found himself drifting in and out until he interrupted him abruptly. "They... they didn't mention the counter solution."

Zackly stared for a second. "True, should you refuse, the counter solution would mean rejoining the scouting legion, which is as good as dead, and keeping humanity from advancing in their studies of the Giants' biology…"

Eren slowly shook his head. "I don't see why you would possibly suggest such a thing when the counter solution is obvious and much more desirable. Why would I want to join the.. Gar..ding.. Guarding squad? I don't even know in which military levels does it land, or the point of it really. It's not like I'm ordered to withdraw from the front lines, and since I do have a choice, I'd rather fight outside the walls for as long as I'm breathing. I can contribute to the case in the scouting legion too and my titan powers are much more reliable there_"

"What you lack is not contribution, it's strength." Eren uncomprehendingly stared at the commander.

"You're what? 15, soldier and titan shifter, and scrawny as hell? tell me how many solo kills you got since you joined, yeah, how many really?" the boy stammered facing the commander's angry tone, and the latter seemed satisfied when the titan shifter shaped the number 1 with his gaping mouth "As expected, you are utterly useless for a soldier. You are currently incapable of protecting yourself without gambling on the countless lives of innocent soldiers. It's not just about the kill count, for that does not necessarily define your skill or your personality. I look at you now kid and I see a monster. You _are _a monster, but you keep denying it stubbornly. Like a coward, I'd say. I hate cowards."

He spat the last phrase like poison "If you join the Guarding guild, they'd train you, they'd know how to treat you the way you should be treated, they have many monsters among their troops, and they are military officers handpicked by the king himself to ensure his safety. You'd better be off with them. the scouting legion is too soft on you anyway."

When hearing the man's mocking words, his confidence crumbled yet again.

He felt numb; he felt the guilt he'd experienced upon his return to Trost. During his time in the dungeons he thought it'd faded away, gone were the agonizing pains gripping at his chest, gone were the memories of limp bodies, of his mother and Hannes and the special OPS squad, all dead thanks to his incapability of fighting back, due to his weakness and misjudgment. He thought back to all those comrades he lost those whom he vaguely knew, and those whom he'd befriended and who had no saying in risking their lives for the sake of an overly self-centered, impulsive boy.

He thought back to Mikasa and Armin, both chose a risky profession FOR him, to protect him. They could have gone anywhere, and been anything, what with Armin's brilliant intellect and Mikasa's natural talent at nailing everything.

He pitied them, and he hated them for mimicking his selfish decisions and putting themselves under stark danger.

He could finally recognize it. That stinging that followed the guilt, the pain he felt at his heart, the numbness at his limbs. It was the feeling of his humanity slowly slipping away. Eren wondered, was that even possible? To lose your humanity between one thought and the other? And he pondered at the fact that he was barely a human to begin with. His hotheadedness and flaring temper, allowed him to entertain his vengeful thoughts. His hateful nature made him a monster by the second, and thanks to all the people he lost in his quest, the pain of being back stabbed, he relented all the way back to where he began, losing all the progress he'd made to become stronger, more understanding, more human.

He was not strong. He couldn't protect Mikasa, could he?

_Your likes should be treated as the monsters they are._

_To overcome the monsters you must become a monster yourself._

_Wise words Armin, but he already was one of them._

_Might as well start acting like one._

Darius Zackly made as to turn and leave him be. Moments ago, he might have been relieved at the man's attempt at leaving, but now all he wanted to do was to run, run from all the guilt, all the chagrin, and run from the weak person he was. "Wait." he called after the Commander's retreating form. "If I go now, I get to say goodbye to my friends right?"

His superior turned and faced him anew, his face alight with relief. "Of course." he answered. "You get your freedom to roam the Garrison HQ, until the MP Guarding squad comes to collect you, which should be in an hour from now."

He called for the guard to unlock his cell, and Eren grasping the tiny ounces of freedom he had left paced for the stairs to the upper floors, his left hand tightening around the soft fabric of the scarf wrapped around his waist.

He had silently slipped it out of Mikasa's grip when tended to by the medics, thanks to the injuries she sustained during the titan shifters' attack. He didn't know why he took it, but he was confident that, once out of prison, he'd rush straight to the latrines to wipe the damn grime out of the blood red wool.

He seemed to have caught onto the cleanness fetish, _Damn the corporal._

* * *

"God, stop fidgeting. It's gonna spill over Mikasa."

The raven haired girl attempted sitting as still as possible. Her food crazed friend had just come back from god knows where, and refused to budge from her friends' sides on the infirmary beds, until she fed them (namely Mikasa) to restore their power and help fend off the heaviness of their injuries.

Honestly, Mikasa thought, Sasha was silly in her own way, but she could be dead serious at times. It was strange not seeing her in the regular uniform, but rather clad in a tough huntress coat and man trousers. Her friend shoved a spoonful of soup into her mouth and urged her to chew on the tiny nibbles she took from her bread.

Mikasa couldn't relax, not only was her upper body completely immobilized with thick bandages (which she thought was a bit excessive) but the room where they were at, was none but the single infirmary in the Garrison HQ. The fact that they were wounded pretty badly prevented them from continuing the journey to the Legion's HQ and so they sought help from the Garrison.

As a consequence, they were crammed all together in this not-wide-enough room.

Heck, even their superiors had a hard time adapting to the crowdedness of the environment. She watched as Corporal Levi appeared a short while after they were settled in and tended to, and headed to Commander Erwin's and Major Hanji's cots. He sat there, patiently waiting 'till they regained consciousness, and the trio was now exchanging an apparently fervent discussion.

Add to that the fact that, unsurprisingly, Eren was nowhere to be found. Armin had just come by minutes ago, telling her that, upon given permission to see him in his cell, he had already left. And she was chewing on her worries along with the bread.

On the bed next to her, sat Jean. He had his head covered in gauze and his shoulder put in a sling where he dislocated it. Near the right side of his bunk was Connie, exchanging subtle whispers with Armin. She had been about to ask them what they were talking about, when a familiar figure entered the room.

Eren. Her heart gave a leap of joy upon seeing him unharmed. She couldn't help but feel that something was wrong, though. The distant way with which he held himself. His mechanical movements as he straddled across the room to salute his injured superiors. The way he scowled when the major made an intelligible comment concerning 'her surprise that he made it', and everyone who followed the scene from the start reeled with disbelief with the way the boy had waved off the scientist.

He saluted once more, stiff as ever, and made his way to her bed, collapsing on the chair just as Sasha scooted over to sit at the edge of the mattress.

"Eren? " Mikasa asked, concerned. "Are you alright"

"Yeah." He _didn't_ look fine. His tanned complexion was darker than usual, and his bright Emerald eyes were restored to a pale dark green.

Sign that he'd been perturbed by something, beyond perturbed, he looked shaken.

"You look like shit, Eren, no pun." Jean's sarcastic retort made her secretly thank him, for trying to lighten the mood, even by ticking Eren off.

His response was disappointingly calm. Where they'd imagined he'd spit an angry, typical Eren retort, He kept an indifferent face.

"Same to you Pony boy." and somehow that made them all the more worried.

He waved them away, "I'm just tired okay?" He said leaning back into his chair. "I've been sleeping on this hardass mattress, for the night. Quite a contrast to the luxury you guys are getting here."

"Serves you right." Jean muttered.

"Luxury?" Connie rubbed his hand to his scalp, emphasizing his weariness "These guys've been sleeping through this goddamn noise for hours now. They just keep piling injured troop after another."

"Well, it certainly is crowded." Eren propped his elbows on his knees and leaned towards her, uncharacteristically invading her personal space. He eyed her prudently before inquiring on her health. She thanked him for his concern and mentioned that 'Yes It's _your_ health I'd like to know about Eren.' and Eren simply pursed his lips and settled back into his previous position.

The hubbub the soldiers around them were making toned the heaviness of the silence down. But despite the noise, they all heard the sound of heavy clicking boots. Mikasa lifted her eyes, inspecting the door for the new intruder. She was genuinely surprised when Commander Zackly appeared by the entrance, following suit were 3 formally dressed cadets with the emblem of the MP strapped to their jackets.

When turning, she saw the way Eren's face darkened. He trudged closer to her again and pulled from a duffel bag by his feet, the familiar red scarf she always wore. _So he took it_, she affirmed. When seeing that her precious muffler was missing, she nearly went bonkers, only settling down at Armin's promise that he'd find it.

The young man gently wrapped the scarf around her neck, ruffling her hair in the process. She dug her shin in the warm wool, and inhaled the lovely scent tinting it. "You washed it." She acknowledged. "You didn't have to."

"It was filthy." he immediately winced. "I can't wrap it around you when it's like that, can I?"

"Eren.." she began as he scrambled to his feet, not paying the slightest attention to the rest of them, going past the Commander and heading for the door. The man caught him in the last moment of his escape, gripping him hard and leaning to whisper something in his ear. Eren shook his head in response and proceeded into walking out; the moment Darius cleared his throat gaining the attention of the room. "Alert, Military officers, Garrison recruits, scouting legion troops." The man turned his head to the Trio at the corner "Erwin." He mouthed "You realize the graveness of the situation, do you? The horrific losses registered in the last fight.." He fixed Commander Smith with a hard look "Well, those who lost their lives have undeniably contributed greatly in the mission to retrieve Eren Jaeger, which brings me to_"

Mikasa listened, heart hammering and ears buzzing, hands shaking frantically and gripping the bed sheets for comfort. She kept a stony face, nonetheless as she registered every word Commander Darius mouthed. Every _lie_. It must be a lie, right?

_Right?_

_Eren would never abandon his dream, Eren would never abandon his friends._

_He couldn't._

* * *

Eren had never run away, for cowardice was never in his nature.

He just couldn't face them, couldn't watch as their faith in him shattered to pieces.

So he sped his pace along the hallway, reaching for the front entrance where the MP was at. He found himself running and stumbling out of the exit, panting and damp all over with perspiration, only to find his friend Armin by the door.

_Oh shit, he can teleport._

He pushed at the blonde's shoulder, and the smaller boy instinctively grabbed him by the collar, forcefully pulling him back to face him.

"Are you gonna tell me why?" his tone was harsh, so un-Armin-Like in anyway.

"Probably not."

"really Eren? The MP? Is that the best you could do?"

"Armin…"

"I thought _you_ were the one who urged us to join the recon corps, and now you're leaving us_"

"Hold on a sec." Eren shoved his friend rather brutally against the wall. "I never _urged_ you to do shit. _you_ were the ones who tagged along with my shenanigans."

_Shenanigans?_

"We had nowhere to go, we needed to stick together, all three of us. Eren, please." His eyes begged for understanding, with silent pleas.

"Please don't join the MP, Eren. They'll kill you. You saw the way they act Eren, just what brought _this_ up?"

"_You could have gone anywhere and been anything..." _Eren said more to himself than to anyone.

"huh?"

"You could have been anything Armin, you had great potential parent-less and whatnot. It's always been like this, huh? You had intelligence and Mikasa had strength, and I... I provided you with a purpose. I can't go on being nothing but a symbol, _urging_ people to fight back. I'm a weapon, a malfunctioning one at that. Look at all the people who lost their lives during the last expedition. All died thanks to my failure at grasping the tips to being a good Monster, or a soldier. I am_" He took a shuddering breath, forcing his gaze from the ground and staring Armin head on.

"You feel guilty.." The shorter boy observed.

"No shit."

"She wanted to come here to see you, you know? She even proceeded into assaulting Chief Zackly."

Alarm shot up in his brain, he was _not_ leaving Mikasa guilty of a crime, not even that of murdering Darius Zackly.

"You stopped her right?" and he saw his answer in his friend's eyes.

Inhaling, Eren took a step back, and another. He sprinted away from his accusing friend, fueled by his reassurance of Mikasa's whereabouts.

She was safe, Armin would be safe, and their comrades of what was left of the 104th unit would most likely be safe. They'd hate him, yes, but he speculated that by the time he saw them once more, he'd be too invested in his own monstrosity that he won't probably care what they thought of him.

Outside, carriages were piled against the side of the road. Guards stood by their horses, chatting nonstop. They didn't seem to have seen him yet, and he pondered whether he could make a run for it or not.

His gaze lingered upon the high walls in the distance, and he immediately recalled the skinless bastards that served as pillars for their safe haven.

He also remembered the way he commanded the titans into devouring the fucker that ate his mom, and suppressed a shudder.

_What if he rampaged here at one point and awakened the sleeping titans in the walls?_

_Hell would break loose, thanks to him, should he not learn to control his power._

_He would certainly not let that happen._

His eyes fervently searched for the Guarding legion all the while.

* * *

**Hmmm, for those who read this Chapter when it first got published, I am extremely sorry. I mean, I usually write drabbles and whatnot in Microsoft Word, and when writing this thing I thought '_hey why can't I save it under Note format?' _the result was this incredibly messy fanfiction with horrible mistakes here and there and paragraphs crammed all together in one pile, and being the lazy person that I am, I only got motivated to fix it during the weekend. So sorry for anyone who had to have an eye check after reading the chapter in its original format. Also, I'll totes be thankful if you guys reviewed this :)**


	2. Agony

**Awright Homies, this is where the LeviMika Kicks in. Literally kicks in.**

**Also, OC's involved on Eren's part (you have been warned) **

* * *

_Summary: Weighed down by guilt, Eren is offered the choice to leave the scouting legion, and join the tiny faction in the MP "The Guarding Guild". He just wants to adapt more and more to his new powers, and thus becomes a monster. Furthermore, Mikasa is left alone to cope with the gap his departure had left. Would she agree to carry the pain of the separation alone, or would she lean further onto the least likable person in the entire legion?_

* * *

Eren attempted peering through the metal bars of his rolling cage.

When being delivered to the Guarding Guild, he hadn't made the slightest protest. They were against leaving him unchained, nevertheless, and proceeded into confining him with dull iron straps, inside a narrow worn metal cage that probably had once served for transferring the wildest of livestock.

They set off for Sina at around noon. Past their eighth hour of journeying the non-district areas of the innermost wall, Eren managed to gaze upon the luxury within which the royals and the nobles were installed.

He then pondered at the unfairness of their society. Those who possessed higher status, rejoiced in all the natural goodness their land could offer. People in Utopia were well fed, expensively clothed, and fairly educated. Whereas, children like himself and his companions, those who came from the outskirts of wall Rose, had to work in the fields to provide the days' worth of bread.

By dusk they reached their destination.

A large castle loomed upon them in the distance. Running along the road was a river with such pristine clarity in its waters that Eren had to suppress the silly urge to break out of his confinement and dive in.

He would most certainly drown.

_I wonder if the sea looks like a river. Except, wider , and it spreads 'till it touches the horizon. _

His reverie brought back the image of Armin, angry and disbelieving and perturbed. He pushed the memory away and braced himself for the carriages' sudden stop. His cage was wheeled thanks to a couple of healthy mares. Soldiers were juggling beside him atop their horses, eyeing him warily all the while. They weren't clad in a diverse form from the regular MP. They still had the single jade colored unicorn dominating the backs of their jackets. Their expressions though were much grimmer than any MP Officer's he'd seen.

At one point, they unlocked the chains. They led him through an immense gate towards an equally grand hallway. A man stood by the foot of the stairs, thickly built and determined. His raven hair streaked with gray, and his charcoal eyes boring holes into Eren's very being.

"Hello there." The soothing tone his voice emanated hit the boy's wrong nerve. He knew he ought to beware the man, and the aura of superiority he seemed to possess. His trail of thoughts, however, was a couple of seconds slower. He heard the crash before feeling the pain and the horrid ache that spread from the back of his head to the tips of his curled toes. He doubled over in pain, blinking blood and gasping for air. The man closed the gap separating them and kneeled just enough for Eren to hear his hiss "I am lieutenant Dazze Zacharya, and I am here to make your stay feel... _pleasant_."

Then and there, Eren was beyond relieved when unconsciousness washed over him. He succumbed gratefully to the darkness.

* * *

Mikasa was startled awake. Her cot was a tangle of sheets, and her hair plastered to her face with sweat. She inhaled deep shuddering breaths and struggled to chase the memories of her nightmare away. _She saw blood, she sizzled past the giant trees , fuelled by rage, fury, self-loathing and hatred. Combined were her emotions but her objective remained sole._

_Retrieve Eren. Save her family._

She rose from her bed, and trudged out of the room. She silently grabbed her civilian garments from underneath the cot, and took subtle steps out of the infirmary, lest she wakes many of the sleeping troops inside.

It had been 10 days since he'd left. It felt like a year. She avoided all types of socialization during which, and simply lay there, motionless and silent.

Once in the hallway, she jogged to the storage room where she fumbled for an appropriate gear and skillfully strapped it around her body. She swallowed the pain that shot up from her ribs, and felt for the many bandages that wrapped her torso. Considering that her healing abilities were superhuman, she was surprised that the couple of ribs she had sprained weren't coming along as nicely as she thought they would. Of course she was partly to blame. What with her every night journey with the 3DMG and indulging her rest.

Done with the gear, she headed for the window and hopped out, grappling her hooks to a single building and proceeding into maneuvering herself towards the wall. She was careful to applying very little pressure to her torso but rather focusing on the movements of her hips. Her ride ended once she shot a final hook, and her body connected with the hard wall. She climbed the remaining meters, and finally stood atop Trost, contemplating the destroyed lands that were Rose's.

"Mikasa Ackerman." She whirled around, searching for the intruder. Her eyes fell on none but Corporal Levi standing a few feet away.

"You're supposed to be resting."

"So are you." She remained deadpanned but mentally cursed herself for talking back to her superior.

He studied her for a second. "You know, if I didn't know better I'd say you came here to watch the sunrise." He took a couple more steps towards her "you came here for a different reason entirely, huh? Should I tell you what it is?"

Mikasa swallowed the thick bile in her throat, but remained otherwise, indifferent. "Do enlighten me._ Sir._"

"You're preparing something. You're gonna try and break that brat from the MP right? I'd say don't bother. He's gone with them by pure will and so he should be the one to take the circumstances. But you're not gonna accept that and you want to save him huh? That's why you've been coming here every night. That's why you've been meeting up with that pastor every night. He offered you directions to where they kept Eren right? In turn he asked you to do something for him, to _kill_ someone for him. Right? Am I right Mikasa?."

Her posture went rigid, and her bangs damp with perspiration. She was so close, and only her shitty luck gave her away. She wondered when he'd first seen her sneaking out in the dead of night. It wasn't seldom that he stared at her in the infirmary, and she often wondered what it was for. She speculated that he expected an apology, but she was already suffering from an overly concentrated doze of karma and she wasn't going to blab to him about it any time soon.

Mikasa strayed her gaze away, and scanned the exterior of the wall. Where Eren had once plugged the breach, wandered a little over a dozen titans, probably drawn to the district by the general existence of life or was it the smell? She found herself pondering at Titans' anatomy while formulating a plan of escape in her mind. Should she sprint away now, would he be capable of following her? She eyed his fractured leg, and prudently made as to back away. He immediately saw through her intention and grabbed her wrist tightly. He was several inches shorter than her and yet, she felt as if he were the only person capable of crushing her.

She grit her teeth hard, her old hostility towards him came rushing in. She had come to respect him by the time, and even, well look up at him. _This person had saved Eren, he did it without succumbing to his emotions, This person is stronger than I am. Better than I am, at protecting Eren._

**_Eren._**

He was the one obstacle standing in her way and she swore that night that she would eliminate everyone who opposed against her.

It wasn't like it happened intentionally; it wasn't like she rooted for this to happen. Eren had always been like a stray puppy who demanded full attention. Once you looked away, he'd be gone. It happened too many times, and she kept struggling against the odds to keep by his side. One who might see her efforts at keeping him intact would call her selfless beyond belief, and while her addiction to Eren's welfare was no secret, no one would think that it stretched to the line of obsession. There was always this dark part of her that demanded to be selfishly fulfilled, the one straw that kept her sanity intact, and even though that straw was piercing her good nature and belief, it was also what was keeping her alive. As pathetic and as hateful as that sounds, she had ever wanted one thing in her life, and that was to be with Eren.

_Alright_, She thought, _I'll have to go by force._ But how? She wasn't going to _murder_ the Corporal. She'd only try and make a run for it, and once out of his eyesight, she'd try contacting Pastor Christopher one more time to fix their deal for good.

The Captain was dressed in gear, so was she. He was also badly wounded in his right leg and she needed to take advantage of that.

She charged, kicking his legs from underneath him. She had momentarily forgotten that he maintained his vice grip on her wrist and that, between the moment where she kicked at him and another, he grabbed at her torso entirely and they were both rolling on the ground.

She had a couple of seconds to process what happened before shooting up once more, only to find him straddling her to the ground, Pressing his supposedly fractured ankle to her thigh. He sat atop her, and she tried swinging the advantage of power to her side again, twisting her body in unnatural angle and kicking his back with the sole of her boot. He doubled over her, and it amazed her that he managed to keep his apathetic expression on. She longed to wipe it off his face, and she shot forward, knocking his face with her forehead (which now, stung like a bitch)

Blood poured from his nose, and she didn't pause to think about the amount of damage she's caused before rolling away from him. He was at her again, fast. _Lightning fast._ _So frighteningly fast. _He punched her in the gut, and she thought she could hear the bones cracking.

He was holding her down again, his dark bangs falling over his face and his blood streaming slowly over his jaw. She tried pushing at him again, in vain. Her ribs screamed in protest with every move she made, and she thought of how she'd never found herself in an inferior position during a battle before. And that, specifically, made her produce the pocket knife she kept at the side of her belt. The Corporal was holding her shoulders to the ground, pressing his legs against her thighs; his eyes were digging holes in her face.

"I've figured you were quite obsessive about the boy, but not to _this_ extent." He leaned forward, and she noted with dark satisfaction that he'd been panting, that he was sweating, and that beneath that unnervingly calm demeanor, he was burning with anger. "I never thought I'd be this disappointed in someone _Ackerman_, but I am in you."

He gave a low grunt of pain, as he stared down at his now bloodied pant leg. She used her chance and dug her weapon inside his flesh, and then dragged it all the way downward from his thigh to as far as her locked arm could allow. She freed the blade and maintained a firm hold over it. "Let me go." She hissed. "They'd kill him, _you promised you'd look after him_."

Her steel gray gaze clashed with his icy blue one "I did, but I also didn't say I'd dictate his actions. I ought to let him take responsibility of his decisions, so if he screws himself over, he doesn't drag me along with him. And that's something _you_ ought to do more often."

She scowled. "They WILL kill him."

"No they won't."

"What guarantees?"

He pulled his lips into a thin line and replied quietly. "I _was_ there. I _saw_ the official message the monarchy sent, and it stated Training_ the Titan shifter, _not _killing him._"

"training..?" her confusion rose higher and higher, 'till she could take it no more.

"It could involve a tiny bit of torture, nothing that traumatizes." He studied the change in her features, from anger, rage and frustration to a sheepish look that dominated her face. "I'm fairly certain he'd rather be trained to use that power of his than sit back with us crippled."

Mikasa's eyes glazed over, and though that very much sounded like the words Armin liked to repeat every day to comfort her, she longed to believe it when the Corporal had said it. He was an honest man. He was fairly blunt and he didn't bullshit people.

_An honest man whom she'd tried to attack just now._

Her eyes glazed over and her grip on the knife faltered. The blade clattered to the ground with an audible thud, and the Corporal turned around to grab it. He watched her sternly as he fastened his own belt over the tiny weapon.

"How do you know so much about the MP?"

"It's my turn now to question you." He leaned towards her, never releasing her. "Who is he? How did he find you? What was the price for his services? "

She inhaled deeply, and launched into her tale.

His name was Christopher, a pastor from the wallists' cult. She'd been out once in her third night in the infirmary, and _he_ found her. He told her what he knew of Eren and she refused to believe him. He kept trying to engage a conversation with her for the next couple of days, on walks. He told her that, should she agree to his pleas he'd provide her with everything she needed to save Eren. It was a fair trade, and she wasn't an idiot. She knew there was something else to the matter entirely. So she sought the peak of the wall by sunrise, enjoying the peace of the atmosphere, leaving her thoughts to wander.

Last night, the man stated the price.

Slitting the throat of a certain unfortunate comrade.

"_Historia Reiss." _She let out a long sign. "He asked me to think about it. I was due to answer him today. And I... I came here to think."

He eyed her warily. "Why would this Christopher guy even trust you with his motives if you hadn't affirmed yet?"

She glared back. "Everyone's on the case, you're aware yourself that they'll probably kill her, with or without my cooperation." He hushed her and pressed his face against hers, whispering in her ear. "I want to know _your_ answer."

She gave a sharp intake of breath, his closeness was bothering her more than it should, and she hated to break into sputters thanks to their overly promiscuous position. "I don't… know."

He faced her anew, his face a calm mask of indifference, hence making her all the more agitated.

"You weren't going to do it." He stated calmly, and she scoffed.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. It's in your nature to do it, to go at such stretched out lengths for Eren. But it's also in his nature to face the enemy head-on and thus stick around the scouting legion. It's so uncharacteristic of him to leave everything behind, and it had _you_ pondering on whether you should do something so uncharacteristic of yourself too." Her head was reeling, was she that _predictable?_

Or maybe he knew her too well.

Not a chance, she had barely had a straight conversation with him, so it couldn't be possible.

Maybe he was a master at reading people.

Master or not, she should get him off of her _now._

She twisted. He had let his guard down so it was easier to roll away.

Their gazes clashed again. Careful, awfully prudent, she relented slowly.

"I'm gonna do something uncharacteristic of myself too if it lifts your mood up." She winced, he remained emotionless. "I'm not telling anyone of our little.. encounter."

The first rays of sunlight beamed from the horizon, lighting his face and the tangle that was his hair. The way he moved swiftly towards her feigned her completely. She snapped back to attention when a hard jab emanated from the back of her neck. She felt the line of sweat trickle slowly from the side of her brow, her lips parted in confusion.

It was only when the edges of her vision went white, that she understood.

He knocked her out.

That bastard.

* * *

All he could see was darkness.

He opened his eyes, and scanned the room for what seemed the umpteenth time to his fuzzy memory.

There was a lamp by the corner, pathetically illuminating the narrow _cell_.

_That's right. He was in a cell._

_Had been, for over 2 weeks._

_He was carried here the moment he stepped in the Guarding Guild HQ._

_And then… and then…_

_And then what?_

Slowly but surely, his memory returned. He registered the fact that his right leg was chopped off and that he lacked vision in his left eye.

It had been popped out by a certain gentleman.

_Dazze Zacharya._

A flood of recollections crushed him under its wave. He remembered being hauled into the room, getting hastily strapped to the many chains dangling from the wall, and then undertaking all sorts of possible torture.

From denying him sleep, meals, to chopping a multitude of his limbs several times, to injuring him in various ways.

He pondered at these guys' creativity at producing all kinds of pain.

The way he saw it, he had no right to complain. He had made a choice to leave everything behind and if _this_ were to make stronger, then so be it.

Lieutenant Zacharya, or Zach as some of his elderly torturers liked to call him, was watching the whole thing. Placid and apathetic as he'd been, he reminded him of Lance Corporal Levi, and that comparison was terrifying enough that it sent shudders up Eren's spine.

The boy also suspected that they injected him with a serum to assist in restoring his stamina, and that they secretly fed him in his sleep. Because he was never truly full, and he was never truly starving. He was neither worn, nor strong enough to struggle. Nevertheless, his body continued to regenerate. His amputated limbs sprouting out, frighteningly fast, and his senses restored to their original state. But there was always something missing.

The fire in his eyes died out.

He felt like a machine going through the same routine every day, until he lost sight of what his true purpose had been.

He hurt, but he also enjoys while he can. It was always that tiny streak of masochism that worries him, and though he could hear the snickers of his tortures facing his battered body, he knows he's the one who enjoys the entire ordeal a tad too much.

Until that girl steps in.

Light, and graceful as a cat. Curly platinum hair struck in a single braid trailing her back, wobbling up and down as she made her way to stand before him. Her skin is fair, and her eyes are Honey colored with flecks of gold in-between the irises. She seems like the lightest rose in this filthy bunch that formed the Guild, and he wonders why she's here with them, where she's meant to be is far greater than this dark cell.

He should have known better than to trust people judging by their appearances.

While looking undeniably lovely, she showed to be equally fierce. She presented herself as Lieutenant Lezzly Hennings, and then proceeded into explaining to him the basics of their lives within the Guild. She seemed to possess a throughout vision concerning this subject and he couldn't believe how the lightness of her tone didn't match up with the words she mouthed.

"We are handpicked by the king himself, and by handpicked I mean literally. Most of us belong originally to the underworld, and once in the peak of our adulthood, we undertake the rough training regime this division provides. Meaning, you get a bunch of 11 year olds or 16 year olds bundled together in a training squad, much like the one you belonged to, when a trainee.

"Once graduated, we receive our first missions, our job is to immediately eliminate any sort of quarrels that spark between the nobles of Wall Sina, or assassinating any rebelling activity, should one arise. We also serve as bodyguards for the royals or the nobles or even the king himself. If you work hard enough, maybe you'll be lucky to join his majesty's own personal guarding team. " She beamed at him from the ground, and he felt so sickened by her speech that he gave a laugh. That earned him an ice cold glare from the gentleman he mentioned earlier, Zach.

"I doubt he'd tolerate my presence, because if you hadn't notice, I'm not in my most preferable state right now."

While Lezzly looked amused by his comment, Zach was most certainly _not._ Said gentleman, even went out of his way, and popped Eren's _other_ eye out. Making him blink blood and darkness.

Only then, did the graveness of his decision finally settle in.

He wasn't contributing in humanity's case in anyway.

In fact he was becoming more and more of a monster.

He began to savor more and more of his own agony.

* * *

**What is this? ANOTHER boring chapter? So I've been through a roller coaster of emotions while writing this chapter, what with all the rumors concerning chapter 51 (hope they aren't true nggggggh) **

**Your reviews are much appreciated, I need to see if this doesn't totally suck.**


	3. Training

**SPOILER ALERT [Chapter 52] Exams are terrible. Geez no break at all during these past few months? Sorry, and thank you to those who reviewed and fallowed this work. 3**

* * *

3 weeks into his imprisonment, Eren found himself at an utmost vulnerable state. His knees threatened to buckle under his weight, however little it had become, due to the lack of proper energy in his system.

He hadn't been hauled this time around, but rather had been ordered curtly to step out of the cell. His mind registered the faintest urge to run, once out of his confining chains. That urge had been significantly restrained by the infernal numbness in his limbs. He also found out that he no longer cared what they did to him anymore. It was a simple game of power, and currently, they had the troops, they had the pistols while he was absolutely drained and worn out. Even his titan shifting abilities weren't likely to function given his horrendous state.

He pondered at that as he followed Lieutenant Lezly into the maze of corridors that was this place. He couldn't help but notice her way of walking. Light like a cat and yet predatory and dangerous as well. There was something in the swing of the swell in her hips that screamed FEMALE, though the hunch in her broad shoulders was manlier than any man's, namely his.

He decided that he was just tired. Tired and wounded and filthy. But that was just because his thoughts drifted from his observation of the woman before him, to a recollection of a pair of deep grey eyes, stark white complexion, and feathery, inky black hair. He swatted the picture away as soon as it appeared.

The came to a stop, facing a large door. Lieutenant pushed at the handle and ushered him inside.

"Your new home." Her grin was wide, and her look was expectant. He scanned his so called home twice before turning back to her. "Thanks... I guess? "

"Our hospitality is much better than the recon corps, huh? Heard they kept you in a cell all the while you've been there. Poor thing."

He was surprised at how mild his expression remained. "Thanks." He repeated before trudging into his room. "This' ll do."

She quirked an eyebrow before shrugging nonchalantly.

Just as she'd been stepping out, she spoke up. "Just so you know, training's by 4am."

Eren who was busy inspecting his surroundings, discarded her comment. What he assumed was his cot (which was a combination of worn out mattress and frayed sheets.) remained by an isolated corner to the right. There was also a desk and a tiny cupboard, but what stroke him most as odd were the books.

Shelves lined every empty ounce of the walls, sparing the single corner, where his bed lay.

He frowned, just who did they think he was? _Armin?_

"What's with the book fetish?" He queried hesitantly. She frowned. "Well for you of course."

"I'm not illiterate. "He exclaimed turning back to face her.

"Of course not." She said, her smile radiant "4am kid, you better catch some sleep. "

* * *

"It'll be fine Levi, you'll be fine."

"This is not about me Hange."

"Sure thing." The bespectacled woman freed her hair, a tumbling mess of auburn curls. It reeked of various smells that he attempted, and failed, to ignore. His gaze broadened to contain the entire room. Where Hange sat at the foot of her bed, the light seeping from the wide open window behind her. Her quarters were unnaturally neat, _for Hange's standards at least_. They were at the Garrison HQ, where the remnant injured resided. Most were dispatched and received the order to go home by the second week of hospitalization. The people who stayed, were those whose conditions remained critical, or those who had nowhere to go, no families to return to. Like Hange, or like himself.

_Or like her..._

He felt angry just thinking about her. It had been nearly 3weeks since their confrontation atop the wall, and he still felt angry.

The thing about the army is that it submerges you into its routine with incredible ferocity. Once you're in, once you've seen the dead dead faces of the subordinates, the comrades, the companions whom you've lost, in whose wake you've survived, it becomes nearly impossible to forgive and to forget. Its unbearable to accept the tiniest fault, the tiniest obstacle which a soldier can build up, and which could lead up to the annihilation of mankind.

He was pushing it. He knew it. But he just couldn't help it. He knew deep down what Mikasa Ackerman was planning, and he loathed it. She was planning to go against orders, to gamble her everything in the hands of con people, and for what?

To free him. To free Eren Jaeger. While he didn't necessarily hate Eren, he knew that freeing him meant to send a wild animal loose, to roam however he wanted with the enemies. What with their battle with the titans reaching its climax, to lose their ultimate weapon meant to lose the war.

And that's not what that suicidal bastard would've wanted. That's not what he would've wanted_ what was she thinking that stupid stupid girl.

"Earth to you."

"Hmm?" He looked back to Hange, she had begun changing. Carefully shrugging her jacket off and unbuttoning her shirt. He scoffed at her dramatic motions, and peeled himself away from the doorframe. Hange was clad in nothing save her pants halfway to her thighs and the wrappings around her torso. He had watched her undress many times in the past, too much for his liking, but he grew used to her nonchalant behavior, and soon after he joined the military he learned how to view her as a capable soldier and not as a weak willed woman. Feminine organs were trivial issues to female soldiers and what they did to fix them, like Hange, was to wrap this complicated set of bandages around their... chests. A corset would otherwise suffocate them, and it would certainly be awkward to sizzle around with a pair of giggling bouncing boo_

He chuckled darkly, his train of thought was killing him, and the couple of glasses he poured earlier did not help his lack of liquor tolerance, nor did his throbbing leg. He was vaguely reminded by the training regime he undertook during the past few days, and he recalled how his flight with the 3DMG was not as swift or flexible as it used to be before sustaining the bone fractures, one more reason to fuel his inappropriate dark humor.

Hange had another idea entirely. She was completely naked now and in the process of pulling on a nightgown, she frowned.

"Why are you laughing?"

This resulted into further scoff.

"Jesus, Levi. You're creeping me the fuck up. First Erwin and now you? God!"

"I'm just.." he tried to restrain himself, but the miniscule amount of alcohol was slowly numbing his system.

"Are you implying that my boobs are funny? Alright that's it Levs no more watching me getting dressed, I don't care if you're my friend and whatnot, but that's pushing it. Don't come in unless you care to tie us legally."

He could hear the sarcasm in her voice and decided to play along, exchanging jokes with his this woman was a habit, a habit he intended to stretch out just tonight. "I'm sorry shitty glasses, terribly, deeply sorry. But I thought I'd tag along and enjoy the last few moments in your humble company, because we may or may not lose track of each other for presumably the next months or so."

Her brow furrowed, obviously not wanting to be reminded. It was long since decided that she and the rest of the legion would stay in the inner cities, while he would strive his hardest to get those kids back on track.

"But no seriously," he muttered watching her as she crawled into the warmth of her bed "what do I do with them?"

She gave a yawn then fixed him with a bright look "well well, looks like humanity's strongest is confused as to how to deal with his minors. I told you." She curled deeper into her covers and her next words were muffled "you'll be fine, they're just a bunch of kids."

He clicked his tongue, annoyed "that's exactly the issue here Hange..." he scanned her unmoving figure "Hange.." he called, and then heard her snoring.

"Tch." He moved out the door, sparing her one last glance, "goodbye." He murmured and went about his way.

He took gradual steps down the hallway. Now he had to squeeze himself in one of the many closets of HQ. He sought privacy, and he also needed to rewrap his entire leg in gauze, in these cases closets were the best refuge. Then, all he needed was to fetch his _new_ squad mates and set up to the isolated farm which he'd chosen amongst many. He needed a hideout, fast, lest that blond Reiss girl gets her throat slit before they manage to blurt some information out of her.

Levi headed to the storage room, fumbled for the doorknob, and once in, he grabbed bag and glanced sideways at the closet within. His fingers felt at the key in his pocket along with the tiny box of matches. He gripped one of the spare lamps by the closet's door and entered the tiny room. He instinctively locked his confinement, _just to be careful._ People in the legion needn't know about what he was about to do in the closet of the storage quarters.

Now, the Lance Corporal was not usually startled. In fact, it has been said that it'd be considered a certain miracle if you managed to cause a slight change in the man's features. He was simply too composed, overly poised, even. Everyone looked him in the face, but dare not stare him in the eye, lest they anger their proud superior.

The thing is, everything stable in Levi crumbled at that moment, the moment he shut the door, the moment he backed away and his body collided with a certain soft someone, the moment he caught the sharp intake of breath from the second someone on the other side of the closet room and its blind fumbling for the exit, the moment he realized, that, seeing how it had been pitch black in there, how in his moment of blunt astonishment, his key had slipped out of his suddenly very clammy hand, its thud had seemed as loud as cannon fire to his ears.

His actions were very instinctive. He had the lamp in his left hand, his bag currently resided by his feet and his right hand was reaching into his jacket pocket. He slowly, deliberately, extracted the box of matches, posing the lamp beside the bag and yanking at his pistol. His next words were ice cold, firm and sure.

"Who's here?"

"I… Um…"

The stutter came from the faraway person, whereas the one behind him didn't move. The stutter had a sweet ring, a girl standing before him. The stutter was also very very familiar.

He lit a single match, emanating was the blessed light, before which he saw the person with the stutter, Reiss girl. _Hmm, Historia was her name?_ He needn't wonder whose body was firmly pressed against his back, especially since Historia's face was bloodied, filthy with mud and sweat, her hand also held, he observed with dread, a tiny knife no bigger than her own fist, but she continued clutching at it for dear life.

The Corporal had been in many situations before, that restricted he should not get angry, this one included.

He willed his voice not to betray him, but it trembled with murderous rage nonetheless.

"Reiss.. Ackerman.."

They must know he only addressed his subordinates on a first name basis; he tried to put that wall of distrust down. They must know that, because Historia's eyes had widened, finally realizing his anger and its consequences.

"Reiss, you grab that key and get the fuck out of here." He ordered curtly. The girl moved with haste, sprinting away the moment the door was unlocked. Mikasa, however, was moving much much slower. Her shoulder brushed his in one miniscule moment, and he had found himself pinning her against the wall, his breathing harsh and hot against her damp temple.

"You…" he ground out, restraining a growl "you disobeyed orders… that.." he panted remembering at that very moment why he'd come there in the first place.

The girl maintained her usual stoic expression, save for a slight flinch.

He was overrun at that very moment with an annihilating hunger to teach her, teach her how to listen to her own superiors, how not to break rules, and he longed to crush her selfish tendencies. _There's no helping it_, he thought. If he sided with hostility the girl will exchange his punches with ones of her own, and they were both very battered.

"Why did you lock yourself with Historia in a closet? More importantly, why is she bleeding?"

"She thought wrong."

He pounded his fist against the wall by the right side of her face, his entire arm began vibrating.

"Why is she bleeding?" he asked again. This time she was faster to answer.

"I wanted to talk to her, she thought I was gonna assault her…"

"And.." he urged.

"She thought wrong." The girl repeated, as if reciting a mantra.

He breathed deeply, exasperated.

"That still doesn't explain why she's bleeding."

"Well," Mikasa bit her tongue "You're not going to like it Corporal.."

"Just fucking spit it out."

"I came at her, and she started running away, looks like she pounded her head somewhere. Figures. Anyway, I wanted to ask her about.. Ymir, about what she wanted, but she wouldn't listen. She kept threatening me that if I don't back away she'll… stab… me." She articulated the last words with great care, glancing down from time to time. He inspected the source of her distraction and saw that the right side of his pant leg soaked, with blood and sweat and pus, he ordered her to leave, she complied.

There was something about her, something that was both intriguing and hateful. She was overwhelming him with awe, simply by being herself, a fierce and unyielding warrior. She was making him hate her, simply by resembling him, his much younger self, in more ways than one.

* * *

Eren felt himself drowning.

It was very unlike those times when he would settle in deep sleep and someone would splash a glass of water at his face, emanating that strange subconscious sensation. He was literally drowning, cold water piercing his flesh like broken glass shards. He finally awoke, thrashing and gasping for air. He was very disappointed and yet all the more relieved to find himself lying in a puddle of water no deeper than his own leg.

He crawled back to land, panting heavily as he relaxed against the dirt, ignoring for a single solitary moment the wind freezing his damp limbs. Fall was the season for cold storms, it seemed.

"So this is their titan."

His body tensed, hearing the intruding voice, coming from right above.

"Doesn't look much, awfully thin, awfully petite, his entire structure is that of a _boy_."

He felt the anger, his long lost anger, coming back after nearly 3 weeks of roaming the darkness like a bland machine, how dare this stranger talk shit about him, _in his own fucking presence._

"Maybe with some training, no, lots of training, he would become a man."

He raised his head facing the bastar- wait, _she's a woman?_

A long face stared at him, black graying hair, cropped to the back of the neck, dark blue eyes glaring as fiercely as an eagle. She must be near 50, for her voice was very manly, and so was her body. If it weren't for the feminine shape of her thin lips, he wouldn't have recognized her gender at all.

She turned away, and he struggled to his feet. There was something that pulled him to her. Fear? Awe?

Hate?

"My name is Captain Lidehwigh freuleign."

"umm.."

"Call me Lidehwigh." She ordered, her tone devoid of all emotion. "I'm in charge of your training. I'm also the one who ordered the soldiers to come fetch you from your slumber, since you wouldn't wake up we decided on the barbarian way."

_Barbarian?_

"But what about the Zach person?"

She clicked her tongue impatiently "he was supposed to take the mental part of the training, I'm in charge of the physical one. We're a whole group actually but you'll be seeing lots of me in everything so hurray."

She faced him properly, unashamedly securitizing every aspect of his being. He felt extremely self-conscious while being projected under her keen gaze.

The moment her inspection reached his face, he saw her deep grimace.

"We've got a whole lot to do. Well come on, quit slacking." She walked to the alley separating the hill from the pond, and lifted a chain, a hard gigantic one at that. "This is a whip." She introduced, not cracking a single twitch in features "I'm supposed to beat you up if you disobey orders, so get a move on, we don't have the whole day."

It took him one minute to process what she said. One minute, after which he sprinted, running away, running to the pond. He felt the chain circle his left shoulder, and himself being yanked back to the ground.

At that, he truly and for the first time, realized, there was no running, there was no getting back, he was going to have to work his damnest or die. That's it, that's the barbarian way.

* * *

Eventually, Lidehwigh proved to be a merciless instructor. Her slashes were precise, and spared him at each time, from a limb or two. She made him 50 runs around the entire castle, circling the fields, and even made him plunge into the ice cold water of the pond. coming next were, push-ups, sit-ups, and then she tied a fucking _carriage_ to his neck and asked him to drag it. _like a fucking horse._

Of course, an entire afternoon and a good portion of his evening was spent trying to drag a 600 kilogram carriage, which wheels were so rusty with age. Eventually, he had to drag his own feet back to his room, all while enduring Lidehwigh's acid glare in his direction. Midway, he Crossed paths with Lezly, who leaned into his unnaturally bent form and inquired "Um, Eren? Why are you walking like that?"

"Back.." he croaked "..hurts.." he felt as if his bones were gradually breaking.

_The bitch actually smiled_. "Lidehwigh huh?" she questioned in a seemingly knowing tone, "good luck with her, tomorrow at 4am. Don't forget." She reminded, resuming her walk. Eren felt her slip the tiny note in his hand, but waited until he was safe in his room. He was completely spent, his joints were strangely prickly, and his back felt as if it could snap in half. He lay on his stomach, single handely freeing the note and reading it aloud. He immediately tore it and turned away, the words had been engraved in his mind.

"_Forgive me for being slightly sadistic but, Aren't you all alone? Eren Jaeger? Love, Lezly._"

* * *

**hmm, hope that wasn't so bad, I hope you guys don't completely hate it. But anyway, I've a bunch of ideas concerning this fic and I'll be doing my best to continue writing as soon as I can. Please review to tell me if this completely sucks or not, feel free to criticize. **


	4. Biting into raw flesh

**Sorry for the delay, and thank you all for reviewing.**

* * *

"_Forgive me for being slightly sadistic, but aren't you all alone? Eren Jaeger? Love, Lezly. 17__th__ of the holy September."_

"_Dear Lieutenant Lezly Hennings_

_Now I know I'm not supposed to be sneaking notes to my superiors, but no one seems to care what I do or what I say in here. From the looks of it, it seems that Lieutenant Lidehwigh (my instructor) is solely permitted to beat me shitless in case I went rogue, not that I intend to anyway. But I decided to send you this *Letter* partly as a response to your hilarious earlier statement. Me, alone? That had me laughing my ass off. I also address you to prove once and for all that I am __Literate__ (Some asswipe decided I can't receive letters, I have two in his possession currently and I'm pretty sure that denying me correspondence is __not__ part of my deal with the Guarding Guild. I mean, what's up with that?) Christ, of course I am literate, my father was a fucking doctor, and I spent 3 agonizing years in Training camps struggling with Strategy Education. Jesus. By the way forgive the excess of cussing in this thing, I know you're supposed to be a lady and all, and I'm not supposed to cuss in the presence of a lady. I just don't give any more fucks. Yours, Eren Fucking Jaeger. 26__th__ of the holy September."_

"_That was a long note. Love Lezly. 27__th__ of the holy September."_

"_I know. E.J the 30__th__."_

"_But __are__ you alone? L.H the 12__th__ of the holy October."_

"_Stupid question, stupid girl. Eren the 20__th__"_

"_Let's play a guessing game. Lezly the 23__rd__ of October."_

"_Did you know… Lezly the 24__th__"_

"_that.. Lezly the 25__th__"_

"_Lidehwigh is actually a man? Lezly the 26__th__"_

"_You are really sadistic Lieutenant. Dragging this __astonishing__ information over 4 letters, and 4 days. Eren the 27__th__ "_

"_Dear Titan kid_

_I saw the medic woman running the other day, and it was odd. She weighs over a hundred pounds, and speaking of which let's talk about you. _

_Is that bulk I see? Actual bulk? You know, Lidehwigh is told to be a woman for miracles, whose mind once set upon a task, she'd be adamant and go to the ends of the earth to complete it. It proved right, her will that is. She was dead-set about covering you in muscle, and here I am watching you get bigger and bigger with each passing day. I see you've beaten her challenge, and dragged that carriage all the way to the pond and up the hill. I also heard that she's forcing you into taking a dip in the pond every morning. Trust me, it's not so bad. I mean, we're in mid-December and the weather is severely cold, but she has to test whether your health is as restorable as your other limbs. Also, are you getting taller? Cuz I nearly can't recognize you anymore, it's those freaky titan hormones of yours huh? Did puberty finally kick in? Love Lezly, the 18__th__ of the holy December."_

"_Dear Lieutenant._

_With all due respect, I __have__ hit puberty a long long while ago. The medic woman you saw running was there to check on me, and she confirms that it's Lidehwigh's training and my unique body structure that's shooting my height up a couple of inches every night. Soon, I'll be towering over Zach. Speaking of Zach, do you think he's lying with Lid-Lid. The walls in my room are extremely thin and are not voice proof. So please ask them to lower down and give me some fucking sleep. Eren. J the 23__rd__ of December."_

"_Dear Titan kid_

_Please don't tell me that Lid-Lid is a short for __Lidehwigh__. Also, Captain Zachariya is a homosexual. Also (again) I'm pretty sure the voices you've heard were coming from my room, it's fairly close to yours. Lezly, the 26__th__ of December."_

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

"_No."_

"_If you're going to keep this up, you can tell me in person. It's not like you're mute. Lezly, the 30__th__ of December."_

"_Lezly, remember 5 months ago when I first came here and you guys locked me up in this dark cell? Well, I kind of sustained various injuries back then. Eren the 3__rd__ of January 851"_

"_That's the point of it really. It's called psychological turmoil, or in simpler terms, Brainwashing. They make you suffer for the gravest, longest time and for no apparent reason. It's Lidehwigh's personal strategy to keep her followers following. She claims that violence can create an obedient person, better that that person is fueled by hate and hostility inwards its own master. Said Master could be obeyed still, because in spite of the cruelty the dog holds he would never dare to stray from the line of orders, so won't you. Lezly, the 5__th__ "_

"_Yes, well, I'm pretty sure that Zach's gay now. The guy took his chance during your *psychological-(it's a long word) and cut my own dick off, twice. Eren J the 6__th__"_

"_*This note is a personal dedication to Eren Jaeger* Dear lord, Bless the Titan, and, bless his dick. May it rest in peace. Lezly Hennings the 13__th__ of January."_

"_Amen. Eren Jaeger the 14__th__ of January."_

"_Lezly, on another side though, what did you mean about the voices in your room. 'Cause I'm hearing them again. Eren Jaeger the 24__th__ of January."_

"_You're actually 2 heads taller than Zach now. I'm proud of you. Lezly 25__th__"_

"_Lezly, answer my question. Eren, 26__th__"_

"_I'm pretty sure you're buffer than him as well, why don't we find out for sure. Come to my room at 4__th__ February, 8 o'clock in the evening. Love, Lezly Hennings. Th 27__th__ of January."_

Eren lay on his back, the all too familiar harshness of his mattress digging into his flesh. His fingers were absent-mindedly twirling the latest note he's received from Lieutenant Hennings, a current of black thoughts spreading through his skull, murderous, lethal. He seriously wanted to strangle Lezly, just for making him stay up during his very limited sleep time. He kept a poker face though, one he mastered pulling on and off during the past 6 months. _To guard your piss-poor ass, Lidehwigh had said. You don't want nosy people reading your emotions through your face._

She needn't tell him twice. Since the first day of his training, Eren's rage had consistently subsided. He sunk into an accelerated routine. Every day, starting his first week, he found himself lying in the ice cold water of the pond facing the castle. Each day, for the first month, he submerged his entire body in the shallow water and gazed up at a slightly lit night sky. He knew he must rejoice in its beauty, but every time he looked at the stars, he was vaguely reminded by the horrendous gap the absence of his close ones had left. He felt alone, so utterly alone, and he blamed the stars for his misery.

The stars were a new addition to a long list of people whom he would gladly kill in this shithole.

But eventually, that feeling got replaced with the dull machinery with which he did everything. He adopted a nonchalant and yet stoic behavior, towards his new comrades, towards his superiors and towards Lidehwigh. And he rarely, if ever, exploded. His tenacious nature was covered with layers within layers of new-born emotionlessness. He remained fierce though, fierce and ferocious and cruel. In the midst of a battle, Eren Jaeger never yields.

So he never backed away. He has never remained in that single spot, hidden within the thick current of the pond. He has always steeled up and came to his feet. He has always followed Lidehwigh, not complaining and uncharacteristically silent. He accepted whatever tasks she threw upon his weaving shoulders. Once she had asked him to drag that carriage, once she had asked him to push a rock twice his size to the top of the mountain (all while under her watch). It had been her enormous amusement, watching him play animal, watching him run for hours 'till he dropped, and observing his fighting style. She usually made him engage in wrestling spars with men thrice his size, and he obliged. At first, he dragged himself back at 11 o'clock of the evening with several broken bones, and a limb cut off, but he grew used to the training rhythm. For 6 months he worked to the bone, he exerted himself to the point of exhaustion and remained up for 20 hours a day.

But he beat it. He beat his weakness. He beat his guilt. He beat his helplessness. He beat his fiery spirit, for what was an ambition's worth if you had zero potential to compete with life.

Armin had potential, Jean, Sasha, Christa, they all had a certain aptitude in a certain domain. He had none. _Mikasa_ had a god given talent, and her name still tasted sour on his tongue, all their names really. What set him apart from the rest of them, is that he _built _his own potential. After all those losses, hadn't he managed to flip each and every single one of his opponents over his shoulders? Hadn't he managed to beat _them_ shitless without batting an eyelash? Hadn't he made Lidehwigh proud? He knew he made her proud, in spite of her apathetic features. He also knew he was stronger. He could inspect the line of thick muscle trailing from his arms to his hard abdominals to his severely trained legs. A looming figure had sprouted from that of a 16 year old Eren Jaeger, and now he towered over Lidehwigh, rejoicing in the greatness of a full 182 centimeters, only to remember that Lidehwigh has now permanent access to his balls and she can kick him there whenever she wants.

Which is what she'll probably do if he doesn't get the fuck up _now._

He dully sat up and felt for the lamp by his cot. Once lit, he pulled his military pants, and the thick black T-shirt Lidehwigh had thrown for him to wear from his first day of training. It had been hanging loose over is badly nurtured body back then, but now, it firmly fit his every layer of muscle and it felt annoying to move in such confined clothing.

He stopped midway through lacing his boots, staring at the awfully lonesome stack of books by the foot of the wooden shelves. He had taken a habit of reading a little every now and then, whenever Insomnia hit him during his limited sleep time. He finished the casual lacing and firmly walked to the stack, bending over and scanning the volumes with narrowed eyes. He instantly frowned when he recognized the Monarchy's official letter to the superiors of the Guarding Guild, the one that condemned him to this place.

_What was it doing there?_

Not that he cared anymore.

He monitored his path through the maze of hallways and found himself in the Castle's gardens, the ones that stretched to acres and acres of tree covered land. Ever since Lidehwigh decided that security surrounding the Castle had be so expert that they needn't follow him everywhere, he enjoyed he tiny bit of freedom he obtained. His legs willed him to sprint into the usual 50 laps out of habitude, but he knew he should wait for Lidehwigh's arrival. He stood still as stone beside the gigantic door of the building, the freezing wind of January ripping through his thick dark hair. The cold didn't bother him anymore, not after he learned how to control his body temperature. He needed a haircut though, he thought as he scanned his surrounding through his bangs. His fingers slowly rose to feel the line of hair reaching midway to the back of his neck. He scrunched his nose in displease, thinking that he _definitely_ needed a haircut; just as Lidehwigh's tall figure came into view.

And then the day went by, like usual. She led him to the pond, dipped him within. Steam sprouted from the pores in his flesh but she tied a boat to his neck, nonetheless. He was supposed to lead it against the current, so he expectedly dove in the ice cold water and swam. That specific activity was supposed to train his arms and legs, and he had repeated it nearly every day since the coming of winter. It had become so casual it was nearly boring.

But Lidehwigh proved to be as creative as ever, today. As she led him to the familiar arena, a sand covered narrow space circled with gigantic trees, she represented to him his new opponent, a Wild 7 feet bear.

"Our men barely managed to keep it alive for your own leisure, enjoy." She backed away, murmuring "we'll see how you handle your Titans."

Eren fixed his metallic green gaze on the monster thrashing and howling in the cage. He gave them 10s delay to set it free. _9,8,7_, he cracked his knuckles and stood in position,_6,5,4, _his eyes met briefly with a golden pair, platinum bangs brushing a pale face and a playful quirk to a lovely smile_, so she's here huh? 3, 2, 1._

The beast was finally free.

At that moment, all the soldiers retreated to the heavy foliage. He found himself alone, and he watched every step the prudent animal took in his direction. _He should probably decapitate it's paws first, then break its jaw later. _He ducked immediately as the animal went for an assault. He kept playing avoid, ducking and rolling away and willing to wear it down. The bear was hungry though. Eren knew that that made him tenfold as dangerous.

It's okay. That actually made them even. He was very hungry too.

The young man moved in the speed of lightning, rolling underneath the monster and grabbing a fallen tree branch. He swung his miniscule weapon at the beast, who complied, leaning into him with such ferocious growl that the ground beneath them shook. Eren saw his chance and dove into the Bear's wide open jaw, as it closed over him, Canines threatening to cut his head off of his shoulders, he permitted himself to recall the vague feeling he's had in a situation similar to this one; when diving in to save his friend Armin and getting swallowed immediately after his futile attempt, he's learned from that lesson. He will not play hero, he will not hesitate. So, he fixed the solid branch in a vertical arc. That way, the branch prevented the beast from closing its jaw. He's provided himself with a perfect momentum. He flung himself over its back and expectedly dealt with the animal's thrashing shoulder. Leaning onto adrenalin infused power, he nearly ripped the arm off, using a bigger stray branch this time. Once off, he lifted the pointy arm effortlessly and hit the animal's still struggling jaw with enormous force. He heard a crack, so he hit again and again and again, until the jaw fell slack to the ground. The animal was still struggling, but weakly. It lay in a pool of its own blood. Eren leaned in, pushing the bear's body onto its back. His hands felt for the weak spot in the chest and fisted into it like a stake. His bloodied hand came out clutching firmly at a still beating heart. Eren fixed it with a glassy stare, he then lifted in position with his mouth and bit into it, tasting the sour savor of blood and swallowing a mouthful of the acidic flesh.

That was another sort of torture Lidehwigh had provided him with. She had denied him the ordinary sets of food and instead offered him the raw and bloody heart of an animal. At first, he denied, but then he obliged, throwing up immediately after. Now, grabbing a mouthful from time to time became another habitude, one he was willing to do at that very moment.

He glanced at the bear's body. The thing had gone limp and was already slightly reeking. He sat atop it for a tiny while, enjoying the fresh smell of snow covered pine trees. He threw the decaying flesh of the heart in the foliage and prepared to prop the bear's slack body over his. With that, he managed to drag it all the way to the Castle. No one congratulated him, but for the first time, instead of seeing the usual hate and disdain in their eyes, he saw _fear_.

That made him grin from ear to ear.

Lidehwigh's head inclined backwards to look him in the eye. Eren's grin didn't even waver. Instead he dropped the dead body before her.

"Fine. You can take the rest of the day off."

When he closed his door behind him, Eren was laughing hysterically. He sat on his piled cot and grinned to the wall. "They're scared aren't they? Scared of who? Me?" he scoffed, and dove for the stack of books he'd seen early in the morning. He hadn't had time for himself in such a long time that he'd forgotten what to do with it. He could always read one of these volumes or write the millionth letter that he knew he couldn't send back home. Correspondence was taboo, and contacting the Scouting Legion was a mere impossibility. That was exactly why he'd been surprised when a neatly folded letter slid out of the book's cover. The paper even had the Scouting Legion's emblem on it, along with a tiny inscription. _'Tried delivering this safely to you as a favor, now you won't be as alone.'_

He knew that writing. Lezly's. he quickly unfolded the letter, his eyes devouring its first sentences and then immediately scrunching the paper between his fists.

_Armin Arlert._

They just couldn't stop trying could they? They couldn't cope and wouldn't let him cope.

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**Alright, next chapter will be Mikasa-centric, review if you guys like this. :)**


	5. Her scarf-less scarred neck

**Yet again, laziness proves to be the mother of all sins. Sorry for the late update, and thank you for the reviews. All feedback's appreciated BTW. And happy Christmas/New year/Whatevs :)**

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Mikasa watched as chaos overtook their table, she was very much motivated to kick each and every man seated in their shins.

But it wasn't only the men. Sasha was standing on the rusty chair with a bottle of rum halfway to her lips. She gave a light giggle when a certain someone began to tease her nude form. _That's right_, being the most intoxicated one in their tiny group, Sasha Browse had proceeded into stripping to the bone and showering in what was left of her liquor. Jean, unashamedly, started pecking the girl's well defined thighs, his lips getting dangerously close to_ _fuck! _Mikasa hastily dove towards the couple, giving Jean a brutal punch to the jaw and sending him sprawling to the ground.

She stood over his limp form, inspected his state then turned back to her still-giggling friend. The raven haired hooked and arm underneath Sasha's naked armpit and half dragged, half carried her back to their common room. Taking the stairs one at a time, she cracked the door open and effortlessly lifted Sasha in. She carefully posed her on the bed and made sure she was clothed. Turning back, she caught Historia's balled form, covered with dozens of blankets, in the bed nearby.

She hummed and tapped over the sleeping girl's body. Said person shifted uncomfortably and gave a muffled complaint. Mikasa leaned in and whispered.

"Historia, wake up."

The blonde turned fully, finally emerging from her slumber, her crystalline blue eyes glinting in the darkness. "hmfh. I'm sick, leave me alone."she groaned.

"You're not sick anymore Historia, you've been sleeping for hours now, wake up."

"What's wrong?" she enquired.

"You're not going to like it." Mikasa pursed her lips and stared stoically at the carpet.

"What?" Historia sat up fully, eyeing her dark haired friend with concern. She sniffed the air around them, and then leaned towards her. "Um, Mikasa, Are you drunk?"

Mikasa stood up and motioned for the blonde girl to follow. Her flight down the stairs came with haste and she fixed the remaining drunkards with an acidic glare. Connie had somehow managed to crawl and now lay beside Jean. The two were singing along with the Scouting Legion mantra, the tune was that of a wedding bell. _Figures._ She though, exasperated. Just how could one man's wedding turn the incredibly professional members of squad Levi into mere alcoholics? She gave a loud sign and headed towards the pair. Kneeling down, she gave them a sadistic smile. "Just so the pair of you would know, Corporal Levi is heading back to the cottage right _now_, and when he sees you in this state, he'll make you clean the upper floors with your tongues. So, you better get up."

However, her reasoning was beyond their intoxicated logic. Their legs started intertwining, and they leaned closer to each other. Mikasa murmured "Gross." and grabbed each of their legs, heading towards the stairs and back to their rooms. Once done, she took a mop and started cleaning the area around their dining table. Minutes later, Historia came down and proceeded into helping her. No words were shared between the two, but they fully understood that they needn't interact until they Captain was home.

Historia finally straightened, satisfied with the renewed cleanness of the living room. She sat on the damp rug, opposite from Mikasa, her words came in a whisper.

"You didn't answer my question."

"What?" The raven haired's hand, unintentionally, caught at the base of her throat, searching for a scarf that was no longer there. For what seemed like the millionth time since she last took her muffler off, nearly 6 months ago, she felt the poisonous bile burning her tongue, so she refrained from paying her companion a single heed.

"Were you drunk?" Historia eyed the remaining bottles of rum atop the basin. "I catch a cold for a couple of hours and you guys make a mess of each other, what could you do without me?"

"What indeed." Mikasa murmured. "You knew Chief Erwin's getting married?"

Historia's eyes widened with disbelief, "No?" her lips parted in a radiant smile. Mikasa inwardly winced.

"Um, yeah, he… told Major Hange. She came to tell us about 3 hours ago? Corporal went along with her to congratulate the groom head-on, and then Connie said _we should celebrate_. It came down to this." She gestured to the now tidy room. Her friend gave a low chuckle.

"How sweet." Historia's face was the very implication of the radiance of heaven itself, again Mikasa was very much tempted to kick her teeth down. Historia, unaware of the oriental's hostility began braiding her platinum hair. Their heads snapped at the sound of the doorknob turning. Hastily, they rose, planting their fists up to their hearts and standing as still as statuettes. Corporal Levi walked in, drenched and damp to the bone. Mikasa gave a fleeting glance to the gap between the drapes. Indeed, it was a downpour out there.

"Historia, Ackerman" He acknowledged, freeing himself out of his coat. The word Ackerman hung in the air between them. _Angry at her as always._ She shut the flood of memories away, stoically maintaining her demeanor, looking bored at the exterior.

Then, her Captain silently invited them for a toast. _Well, in reality he invited Historia solely, but she tagged along nonetheless._

Mikasa had been dreading this moment all evening. She's endured her friend's shenanigans for 3 continuous hours and she desperately craved rest. She knew what's to come, though. That glaring bottle of rum sitting of the basin was sufficiently ominous to convince her that her Captain would be highly intoxicated by the end of this.

But not Historia, she drank like a true noble. One who never had the chance to rejoice in her own nobility. Oh well, she certainly needed to lay off a bit, forget about Historia's critical social situation and move on, perhaps even crush guilt that's overcame her since she's first heard the angel's story.

_Perhaps she really was drunk._

They kept exchanging pleasantries, as pleasant as their corporal could be anyway. He'd been in a relatively good mood tonight and she needn't raise his hostility by suddenly enquiring for her well-deserved right to speak along, maybe even laugh along. _Wait, is he laughing? Oh Jesus, he's pretty drunk already._

Hours ticked by. The clock indicated the coming of 9, of 10, of the 11th hour of their alcohol induced night. Historia retired to her quarters, but her Captain had no intention to do so, _Of course._

She helped him to his room, dealing with his drunken reluctance all the way. On the threshold she paused, fixing her stance and hauling him to the bed. _Expected from him,_ she thought wearily as he tripped midway and fell onto his bed, dragging her along. She fidgeted under his shadowy form, meaning to slip from underneath him but dropping the attempt as he instinctively struggled along. Taking a deep breath, she counted to ten. On 8 he fell limp, onto her. She signed, _early by a couple of seconds huh? _While her insight during battle was very resourceful, how the fuck was she supposed to guess when Levi would get wasted for real? _Well, better get back to my room. _Her limbs shifted lazily, accomplishing slow, careful motions. She fell back, feeling his dead weight. Though she was perfectly capable of pushing him off of her, she favored not to, lest he woke and started rampaging.

Laying there, watching him sleep, his face peaceful for once, she desperately sought to associate his current expression with that he's usually kept around them, around _her._ She decided that no matter how unpleasant he may look on most days, no expression he'd wear would compete with that he's used to intimidate her on her first day there.

"_What's the matter Ackerman, can't use up your energy on training eh? Busy making deals and shit?"_

_She's been panting, had been called for a spar with him. She has dreaded that from the moment they've told her she were to join his squad. They stood, surrounded by trees of heavy foliage. She shot straight toward him, he ducked. It frustrated her that he wouldn't face her head-on, that he would keep dodging her hits. It frustrated her even more that instead of his usual poker face, he wore a sadistic grin. She dove for it again, but he kept avoiding her and avoiding her over and over._

It was a first. His past encounters with her were vicious and brutal, where they'd both sent punches and kicks and received ones of their own and were both left wrecked in their wake.

Nevertheless, when coming to this isolated cottage with the rest of their squad, he'd made sure she savors the pain of his holding back, especially since she longed to cut him anew.

It was worse, since it became evident he wasn't treating her fairly. The others took notice, and she despised humiliation.

And she knew other, graver emotions during those 6 months. Heartbreak, or so she assumed. There were times when she could do nothing but curl in a ball in an isolated corner and remember but then she longed to forget and she keeps remembering and there's been this damn bile in her throat that's tightening within her windpipe, condemning her to a fate of harsh pains in her lungs, lest she swats away Eren's image from her head and only then she could take deep, yet painful inhales.

Shame, for she's antagonized the least antagonistic person amongst her squad. Upon hearing Historia's reserved murmurs, her tragic history, shame for the first time swelled inside her and she tried to forget anew that this was a girl whom she'd been willing to murder in cold blood if that gave her enough influence to shift Eren's fate and satisfy her selfish tendencies.

Hate, towards herself, towards Eren, towards the army and she reserved an extravagant share to her Corporal. Her daily spars with him, increased the lightness of her endurance, her patience subsided and the stress of his hostility towards her was taking its toll on her consciousness. She knew she was at fault, that she shouldn't have acted on her own impulses to save Eren. She was usually composed, but it just seemed awfully unfair that once she grasps hold of him he slips away, and soon her composure dissipated. She knew she made a mistake, attempting to sacrifice Historia and the like, she noticed that the Corporal was taking her sin on a much graver and personal level. Of late, his treating began suggesting that she was the devil's advocate and his attitude had not shifted an inch during 6 long months.

It was only long 'till Mikasa snapped.

"_The fuck do you want with me." She asked, finding her voice cold and placid. He had sent her running through sheets of cold rain. It was fucking January. _

_He was sitting before his desk, signing whatever the fuck contained his papers. She approached, meeting his glare with a sadistic look of her own. _

"_What is it Ackerman?"_

"_This," She gestured to her drenched form, dripping water on his polished floor. 'Good' she thought, 'let it drain in mud' "This needs to fucking stop?"_

"_Language Ackerman." He murmured, leaning back in his chair, observing her, seemingly satisfied with her, seemingly satisfied with the scar reaching from the back of her ear tracing the line of her bare neck, a scar he'd given her. Suddenly she saw nothing but red. It still stung, the scar that is. He just wanted to give her reason to put her scarf back, but she wasn't going to give up. By putting it back on, she'd be admitting to a crime she was willing to do but didn't, eventually._

"_Fuck you." She spat, losing her calm._

"_Ackerman." He began, menacing. _

"_Stop repeating my last name you bastard."_

"_Mikasa.."_

"_Alright, is this what you want?" She questioned, taking firm solid steps towards him. Not caring whether his precious carpet would be stained by her damp and muddy demeanor. "I'm sorry okay, I'm so fucking sorry for trying to wedge into something that wasn't my business and for trying to save Eren. Hope you're fucking satisfied with yourself you sadistic asshole for antagonizing me this whole fucking time. I hope you rot in this shithole you call a room." It spilled out and the moment it did, Mikasa wasn't even slightly sorry._

_At least his face showed outrage. He inched toward her, his dark aura threatening to pull everything to ruins. "You're not sorry." Again he read her like a book._

"_Alright." She signed "I give up, you win okay." She walked towards him, positive for once about her intentions. Her fingers rose to undo her shirt buttons, in moments her shirt was lying on the floor, she stripped of her bandages and stood semi naked before him, closing in the gap between them. It was very precious, seeing his confused expression. As soon as he caught the hang of it, he paled but his face remained guarded. Her steps were deliberate and she's suddently caught his hands in her own, too quickly for even him to anticipate. She tightened her grip and murmured; in spite of her seductive posture she remained indifferent. "What's wrong Levi? Isn't this what you wanted from the very beginning?"_

"_Corporal." He corrected "I suggest you get dressed soldier Ackerman, lest one of your friends comes in."_

"_They'll knock."_

"_Ackerman."_

"_Isn't this what you wanted?" She hissed "Provoking me non-stop, you wanted me to be your sex slave? For me to pay so you could stop humiliating me in front of everyone?" _

"_Ackerman." If he repeated her last name in the same tone again she swore she was going to kill him. She settled for a sarcastic reply instead._

"_What's wrong Corporal? Am I not your type?" She puffed her lower lip, feigning innocence._

"_Mikasa…" There. Was it hard to say her name_ "Who the fuck do you think I am?"_

"_Why, my superior of course. My superior who's currently taking advantage of me for a mistake I _"_

"_Making lots of assumptions here."_

"_Aren't you?" She questioned, sternly. Backing away, she sat at the edge of his desk, making a point by crossing her arms over her chest. Ridiculous, she thought. Why wouldn't he get a move on and end her humiliation for good._

"_Do I look that despicable to you?" He asked, ever calm, ever cold._

"_Frankly? You do, yeah."_

"_I'm not doing it."_

"_That's not going to prove otherwise Corporal sir. I'm sure you're a good man and the like, but if this is going to rupture my punishment then so be it. I don't think I like working with a squad whose leader hates my gut." That was the most Mikasa Ackerman had said to anyone, though, since Eren's departure from her life she found herself quite the chatterbox. In fact, she had never been one to cuss, but her tongue was gradually emanating acid she herself wasn't familiar with._

"_I don't hate your gut Mikasa." He said, oddly patient "It's just_"_

"_So you're not going to have sex with me." She asked, indifferent._

"_No, Ackerman listen_"_

"_Goodnight Corporal." She grasped her shirt, pulling it, buttoning it in seconds and turning on her heel, aiming for the exit. She heard him enquire._

"_Have you ever done this with anyone before Ackerman?" Stern, she chose to ignore him as she slammed the door behind her._

_Asshole._

That was two nights ago, and that was why he avoided her all evening long. Snapping awake, she was startled under the sight of his ice blue eyes boring into hers.

"I thought you were asleep." She murmured, as if the fact she'd been laying beneath him didn't matter at all.

Nothing.

"Was it personal?" Her lips were dangerously close to his ear. His face ,oddly feverish, was pressed against hers.

"You can't try." He croaked. She felt for a glass of liquid to her right, on the bedside table, soothing for his strangely dry throat. Her slender fingers grasped air.

"Try what?"

"To save him, it's useless."

Silence.

"Was there someone Corporal?

"…"

"This is when you tell me your story Corporal."

He laughed. "Hilarious, Mikasa. Yes, yes, there was someone. He had a relative of his own, a… precious acquaintance who fell for the exact same trap your Eren's fallen into. They choose wrong, they always do…"

"You mean this acquaintance of yours chose wrong, like Eren did."

"I'm not talking about me Mikasa."

"Sure."

"Anyway.."

"Did you love her Levi?"

"Jesus.. no.. you wanted a story? Well I do have one that isn't about me."

"Go on."

"There was a soldier. His.. um.. acquaintance.. of his, the one we were talking about, the one who ressembles Eren, the soldier has done the exact same thing for her. He tried gambling everything he had, he went as far as opposing his own ideals, but he lost everything and she was lost to him forever."

She sensed things unspoken. The soldier, perhaps was never a soldier. The story might not have ended that way. The soldier who was not a soldier could have been a new life, offered redemption. She didn't know why she's been desperate to associate the Corporal with this story. It felt much more legitimate that way.

"So that's your answer." He raised his head, staring her anew "I never hated you Ackerman. You're a great soldier with immense potential; you're worth a hundred men. And I would feel disappointed should you throw all that away for a lost cause and I weren't there to prevent it."

"I don't know if this is your liquor speaking."

"Listen Ackerman. I will forget it all, if only you'd promise me you wouldn't try it again. Ever again. Don't try to save Eren. He's lost to us already, whether you want it or not. Understood?" He gripped her shin "Promise me Mikasa."

She looked, and for long she wished it were green eyes she'd been staring into and not blue. Blue was still pleasant nonetheless, especially when it wasn't glaring.

'_I promise.'_ Instead of articulating those very words, she found herself kissing him.

And him kissing her back.

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**Needless to mention that I'm still new to , Um, how does the comment section work exactly? An answer would be great thanks.**


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